“Then Amelia asked why you weren’t included in the family part.”
Nora gave a helpless little laugh. “And then your mother tried to fix it.” “Oh God.” “She told Amelia that grown-ups sometimes have different families.” I already knew what came next from the look on Nora’s face. “Amelia looked at her and said, ‘You told Mom family supports family.’”
“She told Amelia that grown-ups sometimes have different families.”
I sat down on a chair beside the corridor. Nora crouched in front of me. “Then she asked why Lina didn’t have to support you.”
I stared at the floor.
“Then she asked why Lina didn’t have to support you.”
My nine-year-old had apparently taken one sentence my mother had used against me for months and asked the only question none of them wanted answered. But Nora wasn’t finished.
My nine-year-old had apparently taken one sentence my mother had used against me.
*** “Then Amelia picked up her candle instead of lighting it,” she recalled. “Ryan told her they needed it for the ceremony. She said, ‘It’s mine,’ and walked out with it.” That got me moving again. “Where is she?” “Garden bench. Ryan’s with her.” I pushed through the doors.
“Where is she?”
Outside, I found Amelia sitting with her white candle in both hands. Ryan was beside her.
He still had his suit jacket on. The boutonniere on his chest looked absurdly cheerful. Neither of them noticed me at first. “You said you were okay with the candle,” Ryan said.
“You said you were okay with the candle.”
Amelia stared at it. “You asked if I understood it, Dad.” Ryan went quiet. “That’s not the same thing,” she added. Ryan was saying, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?” Amelia stared at the candle. “You didn’t ask.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?”
Ryan frowned. “I ask you things all the time.” “You ask if school was good.”
He went quiet. “You ask if I like Aunt Lina’s apartment.” Another pause. “You ask if dinner tastes good.” Ryan looked down. Amelia’s voice got smaller. “You don’t ask if I’m mad.”
“I ask you things all the time.”
I stopped several feet away. Ryan finally said, “Are you mad at me?” Amelia nodded. Just once. Ryan looked at her for a long time. He took a breath and nodded once. “Okay.” I had never heard him answer her like that before. No excuse. No “someday you’ll understand.”
Just okay.
I had never heard him answer her like that before.
Then Amelia saw me. “Mom!” She dropped the candle onto the bench and ran. I knelt as she crashed into me. “Mom, I ruined Dad’s wedding.” “No, baby.” “I did.” “You got upset.” I pulled her back enough to see her face. “That is not the same thing.”
“Mom, I ruined Dad’s wedding.”
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