Eric pochylił się bliżej. W jego oddechu czuć było zapach kawy, którą kupił w holu.
Nie mogłem się powstrzymać.
„Layla, kochanie” – wyszeptał mój mąż. „Czy mogłabyś spróbować być trochę ciszej? Robisz scenę i to mnie strasznie stresuje”.
Zamarłem. Nie z bólu. Z powodu zdania.
The nurse checking my IV paused with her hand on the tape. She looked at Eric, then at me, and her mouth pressed into a thin line. Another nurse near the monitor caught her eye across the room.
“Can you try to be a little quieter?”
I didn’t have space to react. Another wave was already climbing up my back, and the doctor was walking in with the delivery team behind her. My babies were coming whether Eric was comfortable or not.
It seemed that as the reality of three babies approached, my husband’s initial excitement had faded.
***
A few days later, we brought our triplets home.
I was completely exhausted and just trying to figure out a basic routine.
I didn’t have space to react.
***
Five days later, my whole world was measured in two-hour windows.
Feed. Burp. Change. Rock. Set down. Pick up the next one.
My body hurt. My hair hadn’t been washed since the hospital. Somewhere around the 90-minute mark of sleep, I stopped being able to tell which baby I was holding without looking at the little bracelet on her ankle.
Eric had been “helping” by handing me clean burp cloths and going back to bed.
My hair hadn’t been washed since the hospital.
I was warming a bottle when I heard the wheels of a large suitcase on the hardwood.
My husband rolled it into the kitchen as if he were innocently going to catch a flight for work.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He wouldn’t quite look at me. “So. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few days.”
He rubbed the back of his neck.
I heard the wheels of a large suitcase.
“Well, you see, the crying, the schedule, waking up every two hours. It’s honestly kind of wrecking me, Layla. My mental health is in a really dark place.”
I stared at him. One of the babies started fussing.
“Eric, I haven’t slept in five days.”
“I know. I know.” He held up his hands as if he were calming a stranger.
I stared at him.
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